As I said, this was so damaging...I mean, I'm still pretty fucked up from it. But at the same time is was the wakeup call that I needed. I realized that I let our relationship degrade so much, for so long, that there were huge voids...these voids were so big yet I was so blind.
I knew that if there was going to be any recovery from this that I needed to change. I needed to change DRASTICALLY and QUICKLY. That wasn't going to be easy, but I had a great motivator - keeping the person I loved so much in my life. Now some skeptics will say that "If you loved her so much you wouldn't have been a shitty companion all those years" and i will half agree to that. But on the flipside you can still love somebody more than anything and be hurting them if you're not conscious of it...and that was me to a tee.
In the days that followed our emotions ran very close again, but it was only sided. A few days of happiness and bliss were intertwined with more arguing and more hurt. I would occasionally bring the letter up not out of spite or anger, but I just needed to talk about it and just have her listen to me. Whether she was being too defensive, or I was being too offensive, I don't know but it never worked out well.
All the while, I was continuing to work on me and bettering myself, and I did this through some counselling through my EAP (Employee Assistance Plan) at work, and a few AMAZING books. The results I had was eye-opening, and very depressing...but all worthwhile in the end. Read about those next.
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