The backgrounder

God love anonymity...it allows us to to vent and share our feelings with perfect strangers and feel comfortable doing this...thanks blogspot.

So, here's the catchup story on where I am today...

In March I found a note in my house that my common law wife (we have been together for about 7 years, living together 6) wrote to her partner at work - by partner I mean steady partner in emergency services, I'll leave it at that. These partners tend to form very tight bonds since they spend 50 hours a week together in a confined space, and because in their line of work they have to rely on their partner so much. Anyhow, this letter was worded very emotionally towards him and this was both a shock as much as a knife in my heart. I angrily confronted her about it and she deeply apologized and said that she only wrote it and never gave it. She wrote it because she was confused in her feelings and emotions and she wanted to just write out those feelings to figure shit out...she does this, always has (the writing in general). In her defense we have been in a bad place in our relationship for some time, which is why this occurred.

I love her more than life itself so I was willing to move past this, although it would be difficult. I first asked for her to discontinue the partnership and find a new partner. After much thought back and forth though I rescinded that request because she's been through a few partners that she didn't like and this one she's very happy working with. I didn't want her to resent me down the road for her coming home from work stressed out all the time. But I did think it was fair that I ask she not see him outside of working hours/off the clock. She very quickly agreed to that but come to find out (see future post) she had no wants to do this whatsoever. I mean, I'll take what I can get right...but if she's doing it just because I ask and not because she wants to rebuild our trust then she's not doing it for the right reasons.

This was a huge blow to me and on the same token, this was a wakeup call that I needed so dearly. ..it was time to CHANGE.